Oh dear friends... I, Sir Grufflebahm Oxshire, am distraught to have been so absent. What should have been a simple afternoon tea on the 13th of August, at Dame Penny Pennilson's great estate at Tattleboro Woods, found your faithful scribe a fallen victim to a case of crumpet treachery, all due to the most horrible guests... the Berhams. It is no mystery that this couple, Oscar and Matilda, are people of limited good taste, but it was thanks to their over-indulgence with baking their crumpets with excess butter, so overwhelmingly so that I ponder if the engineers at the Royal Academy could use the same quantity to replicate Big Ben, that I, Oxshire, fell terribly ill. Oh friends... the consequences of the Berhams's wretched crumpets are only comparable to my experiences with malaria. In fact, this day is the first of the past fourteen that I have dared to travel more than a few paces from my blessed loo. Woah is the embarrassment.
Alas... back to the football... today features an important match for our brave Loyalists. With two games left in the season, the lads face a difficult task tonight - especially since they remain without a win. I partially blame myself... for I haven't been by their side in the past weeks.
God speed tonight Loyalists! God save the Queen!
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